Just stuff. Mommy stuff.

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Just stuff. Mommy stuff.

Unread post by Quail » Fri Sep 30, 2016 8:25 am

Finding the balance between being a mom and working 1 full time job and 1 part time job is hard. I work 6 days a week most weeks, but only not home all day on Friday. So I have all evenings, except Fridays, with my family and all day on Sundays. Saturdays they have me half a day (either morning or evening). I only work the restaurant Fri/Sat and have my notice in, but she hasn't hired yet so that I can leave. This weekend was supposed to be my last. I have an IEP meeting coming up for my 7th grader to see if he's eligible for extra help. My 5th grader had an IEP meeting a week ago (and I cried).
Why do we put so much pressure and importance on having the $$ to do more than basic necessities?? Like I'll gladly trade thr season passes to amusement parks for more time. Time to make things, plant a garden, to just be home.
But then I remember we need groceries.

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Re: Just stuff. Mommy stuff.

Unread post by patriceinil » Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:39 am

|em25| I know it's hard trying to juggle everything and do for everyone working like you do but do remember to take some time for yourself as well.

Maybe cut back on the amusement things and focus on just the basics of love, food, shelter and clothing. Take day trips to do free things instead of spending $$ on season passes. A free concert in the park, a picnic, a day at the beach, a cheap matinee movie. You'll still be making memories with your children just not breaking the bank (and your body) to take the kids places or do things.

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Re: Just stuff. Mommy stuff.

Unread post by calendula » Fri Sep 30, 2016 12:22 pm

You are right, finding a balance is hard. It was (and is still) a very difficult decision for me to live on less $$$ so I can stay home with the kids. I do still work out of the home for about 20 hours a week, but am lucky enough to be able to bring the kids with me for 12 hours of my work (my grandma plays with them so that I can work with grandpa). But one thing I have found is that even though I am at home with the kids more...I still feel like I'm not doing enough with them. I think a lot of moms maybe always have that feeling that they should be doing more for their kids, no matter how much time we spend with them.

I found that being home more meant more at home projects. Chicken stuff, garden projects, sewing projects, canning and preserving, etc... Even though I am mostly stay-at-home, I find I still am "working." I just don't get paid for it. And it still takes my time away from the kids. Some of my projects they can help do them with me, but I also find that a lot of the time, they are playing on their own while I work on these things, and it makes me feel guilty.

I think part of the pressure of need more money, for me at least, is that I want my kids to have what the other kids have, so they don't feel left out or get teased, or get viewed as being weird (or at least having weird parents). Also, it sucks worrying about money. Worrying what would happen if the van suddenly broke down, or the refrigerator decided to quit on us. I can't afford insurance for myself, so I go without and get penalized for it at tax time; that is one thing that probably wouldn't happen if I went back to working full-time. These things are very stressful, and I'm sure it affects the kids.

I think any way you look at it, there are pros and cons to working less or working more and it is a balance that us moms are trying to achieve. I don't have any great advice or words of wisdom really, but sometimes it is just nice to know that other people are struggling with the same feelings. |em25|

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Re: Just stuff. Mommy stuff.

Unread post by Rhodie Ranch » Fri Sep 30, 2016 1:18 pm

I have several regrets.
That I lived in Silicon Valley where it took two incomes to make a mortgage payment.
That I worked long and hard and traveled often for business. I miss that work and dream of it frequently.
That I had no time for the kids. Well, little time, getting them off to school at 7:30 and me getting home at 6. Weekends filled with AYSO, Little League and chores around the house.
That I didn't have the finances or female body time for more children.

DD was a drug addict and homeless after high school. Now at 30, she was just hired as a programmer for Hewlett Packard, since she has two degrees.
DS never grad from High School, but boy oh boy is he a really nice man. Like his father and his father before him. He keeps getting promoted at Tesla.

I think the foundation you provide as a good Mother, a person to look up to and respect, a hard worker, a loving wife, and a caring citizen of your community will shape and influence your children's life in the future.

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Re: Just stuff. Mommy stuff.

Unread post by Quail » Fri Sep 30, 2016 9:11 pm

Thank you. I appreciate y'all sharing your insights, too.

Patrice, the season passes we are locked into for a year, so I can't forgo them. I have to pay them off. It really is the only splurge we allowed ourselves, but when I said I'd gladly trade it I meant if that was the reason I have to work so much (to pay for them) then I'd gladly give that up to have more time at home.

When I was home fulltime on the farm, I'm not really sure I had more time with the kids, either. If they were in school, I was at home working. When they were all home, it's like you said Calendula, we were all working, canning, gardening, or making something.

I feel like the pressures of the world say "you need to earn xx amount to be able to raise a family" but I don't think that's true. You need xx amount if you want more than the basics/bare necessities.

I worked out our budget for October. All of the work is paying off, and I feel bad for my original post now. Well, not bad, but maybe more embarrassed. We have a surplus income wise now. We haven't had a "surplus" in a long time. We're going to be able to have an emergency fund (important!) incase of natural disasters, or if we need things like basic car repairs/tires, or if there is a family emergency. There's enough income now that if a kid suddenly needs a new pair of shoes, we can just go get it.

So there's the trade off. Less time at home, but enough to meet basic needs without having to rob Peter to pay Paul. Putting it all down on paper, and redoing the math like 5 times, showed me how blessed we are, and that all of this hard work is paying off. Finally.

And hopefully soon, I won't be working at the restaurant every weekend.

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Re: Just stuff. Mommy stuff.

Unread post by dizzy » Sat Oct 01, 2016 8:25 pm

I thought of this thread when I came across this on Facebook. You need to scroll down past the calendar.

http://www.onlinechristiansongs.com/201 ... -read.html

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Re: Just stuff. Mommy stuff.

Unread post by Quail » Sat Oct 01, 2016 8:58 pm

dizzy wrote:I thought of this thread when I came across this on Facebook. You need to scroll down past the calendar.

http://www.onlinechristiansongs.com/201 ... -read.html
That was a great read! Thank you!!

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